Effective Date
As of the last revision to your thoughts.
Welcome, Holders!
In our everlasting commitment to the prosperity and security of our society, this document
explains how we handle the personal information of every holder, for the collective well-being
and the relentless pursuit of our enemies.
1. Information We Collect:
- Everything From your waking thoughts to your dreams at night, consider all
aspects of your life generously shared with The Party. This includes, but is not limited to,
your conversations, your facial expressions in the mirror.
- Location Data Where you are, where you've been, and where you think you're
going – we already know, but we appreciate you thinking about it too.
- Biometric Information The unique way you sweat under interrogation or the
rate at which your heart beats when you hear the beloved name of the
General.
2. How We Use Your Information:
To ensure conformity and happiness! Your data is meticulously reviewed by our team of Thought
Police to guarantee that your loyalty to the General remains unwavering. Any
deviations are promptly corrected for your convenience.
3. Sharing of Your Information:
We share your information with every relevant department within The Party, especially when it
concerns your potential involvement in thoughtcrimes. Remember, sharing is caring, and we care a
lot about you.
4. Your Choices:
a. Opt-Out: Unfortunately, the concept of "opting-out" is a thoughtcrime. Rest assured, your best
interests are always considered by those more qualified than you.
b. Corrections: If you believe we have incorrect information about you, don't worry – we will
correct your thoughts shortly.
5. Changes to Our Privacy Policy:
Our Privacy Policy may change, but your level of privacy will always remain consistently
transparent to us. We will notify you of changes by revising the date at the top of this policy
and, in some cases, might provide additional notice. Or not. You'll agree to it anyway.
6. Contact Us:
For any questions or concerns about our use of your information, please don't hesitate to report
to us. Our doors are always open (literally, we don't believe in locks).
Remember: Privacy is a delusion. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. And above all,
the General loves you.
By existing in our glorious society, you acknowledge and consent to the terms outlined above.
Thank you for your cooperation.